The holidays are often viewed as an idealized time of familial togetherness. But often, that's not the reality.

Long times spent together can strain relationships, especially for people used to being on their own turf.  Having to accommodate others' schedules, needs, and preferences can be quite a challenge.

When planning holiday celebrations, it's important to plan not only times together such a meals, celebratory gatherings to trim a tree, to open gifts, to go caroling, etc. It's also critical to plan things that allow people some time apart.

Here are some ideas:

• Have an errand day when people can go off on their own and take care of personal and group errands.
• Allow for time and spaces where people can go off on their own or in smaller groups to read or watch a movie.
• When possible, allow for a choice of activities so groups can break off.  In some cases, it may even work to have multiple "seatings" for meals.
• Always be open to people to step away from group activities and do something on their own. We all need our own space sometimes — even elves.