On Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, families and friends will gather to celebrate.  While these gatherings are typically full of fun and laughter, they can present certain challenges.

When we gather to celebrate, the absence of those we have lost in the preceding year becomes more pronounced.  Even older grief can become raw again.  Pretending nothing is wrong doesn’t help.  Grief needs to be acknowedged and accepted.  Grief comes when love is lost.  If we don’t acknowledge the grief, we can’t keep hold of the love.

It’s unrealistic to expect that the holidays will somehow make arguments and hurts disappear.  In fact, the close quarters, sentiment, and alcohol can make them flare up.  Sometimes, retreat is the best course of action.  Sometimes, the best course is helping someone else retreat.

Christmas is also a time of change in our routines.  We may be staying with relatives, sleeping on the pull-out couch, eating on someone else’s schedule, with almost no time alone.  Alternatively, our private space may be invaded by visitors who want to help, disrupting our carefully crafted plans.  I strongly recommend scheduling some time each day for individuals or core family groups to go off by themselves.  There are lots of seasonal ways to do that:  send folks off on errands — to pick up cider or some snacks or some stocking stuffers or a pizza; take an evening drive to see the lights; go Christmas caroling; get a manicure; return books to the library — whatever it takes. 

An hour or so away can make the whole celebration run more smoothly. Absence (even a short one) can make the heart grow fonder.